The Complete History of The Statue of Liberty [Geek Version]

My five year old son and I are gearing up for our trip to New York City  this week. While this is Seth's first trip, this is my second time to NYC. One of the attractions he is going to see is the Statue of Liberty.  I felt it was necessary to let him know the true history of Lady Liberty, starting from the beginning and hitting every major point along the way...

The Beginning
The Statue of Liberty (originally called Liberty Enlightening the World (Frenchla Liberté éclairant le monde)) is a massive sculpture that stands on Liberty Island in New York Harbor. Designed by Frédéric Bartholdi, who was inspired by the view of the French law professor and politician Édouard René de Laboulaye that any "memorial to [American] independence" would properly be a joint project of the French and American nations, the Statue was a gift of the people of France to the people of the United States. It was dedicated on October 28, 1886, and it has become an iconic symbol of freedom and of the United States. - credit Wikipedia

The Weeping Angels, an ancient race of aliens who are old as the universe, but no one really knows where they come from, were using a hotel in Manhattan called the Winter Quay to trap victims and use their "time energy" to feed on.  The angels take the form of statues.  They can't move when someone is looking at them.  Yet when they are not being watched, they can move around.  In 2012, Rory Williams,  a companion of The Doctor was sent back to the 1930's and imprisoned in hotel where the angels fed off his time energy for the next 80 years.  One of the angels was the Statue of Liberty.  And it was frightening. Just look at the accompanying picture.  Well, Rory and Amy saved the day, but I won't say how.  Needless, the Statue of Liberty is no longer a Weeping Angel.  Or so we think... 

Nothing much happened with Lady Liberty for the next fifty years.  Sure she was there welcoming people like Balki Bartokomous escaping vicious socialist societies, but what else really made her noteworthy?

Superman was fighting the evil villain Nuclear Man or Mullet Man or something.  Well the Nuclear Mullet picked up Lady Liberty and heaved her like a javelin.  Of course, Superman caught her and placed her back would she should be.

In 1987 Cobra, a ruthless evil terror organization determined to rule the world, launched an attack on the Statue of Liberty.  While Liberty Island has no strategic advantages to taking over New York, Cobra attempted it anyways.  They were however surprised by GiJoe, a highly trained special mission force.  Cobra was stopped as per usual and GiJoe saved the day as well as Our Lady Liberty.

Due to damage from the Cobra attack the year prior,  the Statue was in a state of repair.  With the symbol of liberty looking like crap, the city of New York felt the same.  Beneath the streets,  rivers of slime began to rise and it fueled a ghost that lived in a painting to kidnap a baby.  When a situation like this arises, who you gonna call?  That's right the Ghostbusters.  They figured the only way to stop the ghost living in the painting was to take the slime and cover the Statue of Liberty.  The slime along with the song  "Higher and Higher" brought the Statue to life and it walked through downtown and saved the baby and the day.

On July 2nd, 1996 a bunch aliens just showed up out of nowhere and destroyed every major city before attacking our military bases.  It doesn't really make sense to me either. They must have been lead by Cobra Commander.    When they destroyed New York, The Statue of Liberty bit the big one.  Just so you know, President Whitmore, the best looking president to ever lead a squadron of fighters against an alien invasion helped beat those aforementioned aliens.  Then they rebuilt the statue.  Unfortunately, it was not enough to get him re-elected.  He lost the election to the country's first black president, Morgan Freeman.

For the next 2 years the Statue lived in relative peace.  Aside from the occasional bird poopage nothing major happened. That is until New York was flooded when  a comet discovered by a Hobbit crashed into the Atlantic Ocean.  The Statue was engulfed in a giant wall of water that decapitated our fair lady and sent her head rolling through the flooded streets.

But eventually... 

The waters..... receded..

In 2000 Erik Lensherr A.K.A. Magneto was tired of homo-sapiens and wanted to rule over them.  So he invented a device that would turn people into sea monkeys.  Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants used Liberty Island as a staging area to turn New York into sea monkeys.  They were stopped by the X Men and everyone was saved.

For thousands of years, republicans have been driving SUVs screwing up the earth's environment.  Unfortunately, Dennis Quaid couldn't stop the world from Global Warming which quickly froze the world and the Statue in waist deep Atlantic ocean.  They had to take her to Texas for her to thaw out eventually.

Eight years after the Mutant attack and ten years after the comet caused decapitation, a monster known only as Cloverfield screamed and cut the Statue's head off once again.

The Statue of Liberty's head is currently being held on with Duct Tape.  Mythbusters' Adam and Jaime have both proved that it is plausible the tape will hold her head on for the rest of eternity.  Even if we throw ourselves in a nuclear war and the earth is ruled by a bunch of damned dirty apes.

So there you have it, a complete history of the Statue of Liberty.

Welcome to Boltonshire.


  1. Have a great time as you come to this part of the world.
    It sounds like you know the 'history' of the area very well.


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