Fantasy Football Results [Week Two]

I got this email Tuesday morning.  At first I thought it was a joke, but after research on some Fantasy Football boards, it appears to be legit.

From: The Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 9:09 AM
To: Bolton, Eric D
Subject: Status As Scranton Dunder Mifflin's General Manager

Dear Mr. Bolton,

We regret to inform you your services will not be needed any longer as General Manager of the Scranton Dunder Mifflin fantasy football team EFFECTIVE IMMEDIETLY.  Based on your performance the last two weeks (which includes the 128 to 86.5 loss to Team Lora this week), it has come to our attention that you do not know what the [expletive deleted] you are doing.  We know this is America and we know it's your right to do what you want, but just because you have the right doesn't mean you should [expletive deleted] do it if you suck as bad as you do.

My goodness, just because every student should be able to go to college doesn't mean they should.  America still needs the people to peel the gum off the sidewalk.  There's no degree plan for gum peelers.  You, my friend, are the sidewalk gum peeler of fantasy football.

You may think you're funny with re-naming teams that are better than you, but we see that as deflection of just how utterly craptastic you are in this sport.  Maybe there's a Fantasy Project Runway type of game you can play.  You might be good at a fantasy game that involves watching Storage War$.  But with your skill, you'd just get Barry and he'll [expletive deleted] it up like he always does.  It won't be much different than how you've played Fantasy Football the past four years.

Scranton Dunder Mifflin will be okay.  We will be renaming it to Team Bolton to go along with the rest of the teams that lack creativity.  We will also be giving the position of general manager to your brother Robert's cat, Mr. Flufflypants.

Please do not let this situation squash your dream.  You had a decent run.  If by "decent" you mean "craptacular".

We wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Fantasy Football Commission Board Panel Committee Group Team 

So I guess that's that.

Welcome to Boltonshire.