Name Calling.

When my brother and I were kids, we'd tease each other and call each other names quite often.  We'd probably call each other "butt munch" and any "butt" derivative.  We'd insult the others intelligence capacity with names like "moron", "stupid", "idiot". etc.

I don't recall if we did it in front of our parents.  If we did, I'm sure we'd get an talking to from our mother and a talking to from our father if you know what I mean.

But name calling was just something we as siblings close in age did to one another.

My kids are no different.

I can probably safely bet MaddSkillz never called anyone names when he was growing up.  Sure he was an only child to a single mother, but the polite well mannered boy is what KC was very dedicated to raising.

Not that it's changed any since I'm around fathering the Bolton Brood.  It's just it happens to be me that happens to be fathering the Bolton Brood and name calling is rampant in Boltonshire.

Now it's not like anyone is calling anyone a butt munch or any of it's derivatives or insulting each others intelligence, it's a lot more simple yet a lot more devastating.

I guess I can be partially to blame.  I do enjoy calling the kids names when they're doing something that is especially name calling worthy.

Examples:
 - Celi's face is covered in spaghetti sauce.  "C'mon, let's go clean you up Spaghetti Face."
 - Disco is upset because he can't play the Wii.  "You can play it later, calm down, Charlie!"
 - He usually responds with "I'm not Charlie!" So I retort, "Well quit acting like Charlie!"
 - Ladybug isn't hurrying to go brush her hair/teeth in the morning. "Hurry up, we need to go Slowy McSlowerton."

See.  It's nothing harmful that should permanently damage their psyches and seek counseling for later in life.  But now, I believe my playful name calling has settled on one of my children and escalated into the most infamous insult Boltonshire will ever bear witness to.

That word is...


"Pants".

Yes, "pants".

Disco, my three point five year old son has made name calling an art with his successful teasing of his family, beautifully weaving the word "pants" in his name calling to his sisters and brothers.

It started as "stinky pants".  Then it was "banana pants".  Then it was whatever was around him when he was inspired like "pillow pants", "mermaid pants", and even "pants pants".  When that wasn't enough, he'd pull an audible and hit his sisters with a "Ladybug pants" or a "Celi pants".  Yes, I've even been called "Daddy pants".

Now you would think this is harmless.  Who cares if someone calls you "pants"??  Well for a while it would crush his sisters.  They would come running to us and say something like, "Disco called me bathroom pants."

It would start with a sigh and we'd ask her if she was really a "bathroom pants", she would say no.  Then we'd tell her not to listen to her brother.  Then all would well until the next time someone was called "flip flop pants".

"Pants" has also escalated as a form of frustration relief.  

Say for instance Disco doesn't get something he wants, like say candy....

"Momma Mia Pants!!!!"

Or if he loses a race on Mario Kart Wii..

"Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants!"

But whatever you do, don't throw it back at him.  He gets  more upset than his sisters if he's a victim of his own machinations.   Last night KC tells him, "Good night, Disco Pants."  He responds with a "I'M NOT A DISCO PANTS" starts screaming, runs to his room and buries his tears and broken heart in his pillow pet.

I'm on Disco's side with this one.  I mean, who wants to be called one of these??

Have a great day my friend pants.