Another Open Letter To My Wife

To My Dearest Loving Caring Wonderful Beautiful Bride,

Later this week you will be dropping me off in Austin so I can party like Jon Gosselin in New York.  I know this will be a tough time for you as it will be me.

First about me.

Do you know how much walking I will have to be doing?  You will have the luxury of having a vehicle at your disposal.  Me? Not so much.

I've heard rumors of foul odors that only exist in New York and that Disco's Diapers will smell like flowers compared to them.

I will be surrounded by 8 million people.  You only five.

I will more than likely have a screwed up sleep pattern due to the change in time zones.  It's a good thing you are safe in good ol' Central Time Zone.

I know you will miss me, so I've taken care of a few things so you won't have to worry.

• I have taken care of dinner for the entire time I am gone.  All you have to do is call Dominos and let them know what you want and when you want it.  Also you will have to pay them.
• Wednesday I will use enough soap and shampoo while giving the kids a bath so they won't need a bath until I return.
• I have slobbered on the edge of your pillow like I would if I was sleeping next to you.
• I have washed all the dishes that I would have used while I was gone.
• The same thing with my laundry.
• If you order enough from Dominos, you should have all your lunches taken care of.
• There's plenty of cereal for breakfast.
• I told Ladybug she can watch whatever she wants to watch on TV so she doesn't have a fit.
• I told Disco he can watch whatever he wants to watch on TV so he doesn't have a fit.
• I bought a supply of balls and cap guns to keep the kids entertained while I was gone.

You should be cush until I return.

Seriously.

I know I publicly gave you a hard time about leaving me home with the children for four days, but you knew I supported and encouraged your trip.  Thanks for giving me the chance to take this one.  I know you and the kids will be fine.  I will miss you greatly.  I wish you could come with me so we can each experience New York for the first time together.  Next time we'll recruit Nana and we can all stay in Gigi's apartment.  Our mothers can talk about how great their kids are while watching and spoiling their grandchildren.

I think that's possible.

I love you very much Sweetheart.  I can't wait to get back and hear about your adventures.

Much Love,
Bolton.