Open Letter To My Wife

To understand what this is about, you might want to review a previous post.


Dear KC,

In a couple days you will be leaving town for four days.  By doing so you will be leaving me in charge of all the children in your absence.  I'm not sure if you were drinking when you thought that decision was a good one, but I will stand by it regardless of the level of your inebriation.

I'm not trying to be negative, but your kids are different creatures when you are not here.

Honestly, they are.  Have you seen Twilight?  They're just like that.

Except without the whole emo, teen vampire, and shirtless werewolf thing.

One time I witnessed Disco break a crayon with his bare hands.  Celi wouldn't stop drinking Whole Milk and all Ladybug would do was sleep thru the night.  I know it doesn't seem like a lot right now, but I can't think of examples at this time on account of the pending doom that is surely to befall me on Wednesday.

Have you thought about reconsidering?

I have a heart condition you know that right?

Okay it's more like heart burn, but you wouldn't want to chance it would you?

And why would you cancel cable two weeks before you go?  Is this some elaborate scam to cash in my life insurance policy?

Whatever it is, I hope you can live with yourself.

I know our friend Jennifer posted a picture of what her man did for her....

That was pretty nice of him, so I thought I would offer you a like incentive to get you to stay...

If you're wondering why it's only ONE twenty dollar bill, it's because we only have a one story.  

Not because I'm cheap.

Anyways, this and some change could all be YOURS, if you stay.

Love, 

Bolton