Twenty Five Days of TORTURE!!!

Now that Thanksgiving is over, there is going to be an invasion on our homestead. For the next 30 days there will more than likely be no less that ninety-seven Christmas movies watched in my home. And I for one can't stand it.

Sure, I can appreciate the classics like, "It's a Wonderful Life", "A Christmas Story", and "Elf". But I'm talking about all the made for TV ones that infest my television.

Two of the biggest culprits are ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas" and Lifetime's "Fa-La-La-La-Lifetime".


It's not that I have anything against Christmas or Santa Claus or people having a merry Christmas, I just don't really care for all these movies.

Yes, a simple tactic to avoid these would be for me to lay the law down and tell the misses what is up.

Obviously it's been a while since you knew a pregnant Hispanic woman in the last weeks of her pregnancy.

It's also odd. The only person who knows where the remote is during this time is my wife.

I think this is also the first time that we've had a DVR during Christmas time as well. That means she can record hours more movies while she's sleeping, eating, watching other Christmas movies or even delivering our new child. I can almost guarantee that she will make sure that the DVR is set before we take off to the hospital.

This way, we'll be watching Christmas movies all the way through Valentine's Day.

I guess the reason why I dislike them is how quickly my wife is drawn into them. If I try to get her to watch one of my movies and it's not within the first three and half minutes of it starting. She'll be confused and give up on it. But she can tune into any one of these shows at any part of it and be emotionally connected to the protagonist. She does the same for her regular Lifetime movies.

It's also how cliché the movies are. You can pick and choose from the list below and make your own TV Christmas Movie..

-Old man hates Christmas and comes to realize it through the companionship of a little girl.
-Man loses his job right before Christmas, the final scene takes place in a bank when the miser of a bank owner forgives the loan.
-Old man loses his memory and assumes the job as a Santa Claus at a local store. Only to regain it back to reveal he is the real Santa Claus.
-Wife blames Husband for the car wreck that killed their son only to appreciate him because it's the way the son would have wanted.
-Town hates a man who claims to be Santa Claus. Only a brother and sister believe him. At the Zero Hour magic happens everyone believes him and even though they were naughty, even the grumpy old mayor gets the present he wanted since he was kid.
-Singing Christmas songs saves the day.
-You also have to have the hilarious physical injury you always get when putting up Christmas lights.
-A husband is on a job away from home. Something happens and he has to make his way across the frozen tundra of Montana. It's almost Christmas. He's almost home. But then there's a car wreck. You don't know what happened to him. Everyone thinks something bad happened and they're sitting at the Christmas table crying. He opens the door two minutes before the end of the movie and goes "What's everyone so down about? It's CHRISTMAS!!!"

That last one reminds me of "A Very Brady Christmas". Where in the middle of Christmas dinner Mike has to run off to a job site because there was an accident. He goes to check on it, you know.. because he's the architect and therefore in charge of EVERYTHING. I would be like.. "I just drew the dang thing, what do you need me for??"

You don't call a reporter when the printing press stops working??

Anyways, Mike goes to check on the crushed sub-contractor who should really get in a union because he was working on Christmas. He goes in to save him because the firemen didn't design the building and don't know if it's structurally sound. Well, Mike goes in there and the building falls on him. Instead of sending in the Firemen or even getting a front loader, people just start singing Christmas songs. Since songs about Santa give people super natural strength, Mike is able to lift the building off his body and save the sub contractor as well. The day is saved and Alice makes a smart arse remark like about Sam the butcher unable to ever be romantic like "Only time that Sam carried me like that was when he wanted to win a potato sack race.."

I'm sure you can argue that "It's a Wonderful Life", "Christmas Story" and "Elf" all have the similar clichés. BUT THOSE ARE CLASSICS!!! And we'll watch them every time they come on.

So you enjoy the Christmas made for TV movies? Or are you in the same boat as me??