Eric Bolton's Memorial Services

In case my blog is your news source for all your local, national, and world news updates; Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Steve McNair have all died in the past few weeks. Along with those notable deaths, hundreds of non-notable people have died as well.

Unless this blog blows up bigger than Perez Hilton's, I will more than likely be on the non-notable side of the news when it comes to my deaths. Sure my family, friends and co-workers will likely not be happy, but anyone outside that sphere of influence will more than likely not care.

Just in case I die before my time or develop Alzheimer's and forget what I want, I would like the following to happen when I die.

  • I would like my funeral to be on a Saturday. Weekday funerals are really inconvenient. I have people that will be coming from out of town, and if I go before my mother, she lives in New York. My brother is in the Air Force and needs time to come from where ever he is assisting in the bombing of terrorists across the globe. Saturdays are better for people anyways. No one in town needs to schedule time off from work. The only thing that they will complain about is if it is during College Football Season. In that case, wait until the Aggies have a bye week or until after the t.u. game.

  • I would like the following song to be played while the slide show of my life is playing. Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas.

  • Please make sure the following people attend. Nathan Howard, John Hacker and Scott Grones. They are all friends from college and people confused us for one another all the time. Pretty much we were all tall white boys. If they were to attend, people will see them and think that I faked my own death.

  • During the slide show, cut to a video of me talking into the camera at the people in attendance. I would like to set up some sort of choreographed skit between the video and certain attendees at the funeral who are in on it. It could be something like we get in an argument or I can video edit some laser beams or lightening bolts to make it wicked cool. (If interested in playing the part, leave a comment)

  • Have computer terminals available so everyone can update their Facebook and Twitter status to "Attending Eric Bolton's Funeral"

  • Tell my wife that she can now marry for money, since she married me for my looks.

  • The following are different options you can take to be creative at the funeral.

  • Very discreetly, place my body in a pew next to the attendees. Dress me in white pants, blue windbreaker, Magnum PI mustache, and sunglasses.

  • Freeze me in carbonite.

  • Stand me at the podium and have me give my own recorded eulogy.

  • Three Words: Viking Funeral Pyre.

  • Build an alter, place me standing next to a replica of the Ark of the Covenant. Open the Ark and then turn up the heat where my face melts off.

  • After everything is over, and my body is burned, you may do any of the following with my ashes.
  • Mix them with a three litre Dr Pepper.

  • Make my wife keep them in an urn and keep on the headboard of her bed if she were to get remarried.

  • I do not think that these requests are too far fetched. I just want people to have fun at my funeral. Is that too much to bequeath?

    Come back tomorrow for Ladybug's Photo Portfolio.

    Juggling Eric Dad Blogs


    1. You've given this some thought, haven't you?

      Since I'm much closer to stepping into the grave than you are, you've given me some great ideas. I was thinking of having my ashes spread over my ex wife's garden so that I could come up as weeds.

    2. Yo! Just popped over on Tyler's recommendation. Good stuff, dude! I particularly enjoyed the urn on the headboard one. Mind if I steal that should I die and make my own wife do that too? I might even stick a little pair of googly eyes on the urn so it looks like I'm watching ;).

    3. I loved this post! Choreographing an argument between your video and people in attendance... priceless!


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