To Snip.. Or not to Snip?? That is the Question.

I got married January 1, 2005. Six weeks later we found out my wife was pregnant. It was suprising, you know. We had only been married less than 2 months. We already had Michael, my 9 year old step-son. While unexpected, I was excited about my first born. Pretty quick after we found out, Kristie had to be put on bed rest. She was always getting sick and couldn't do much, so I was the only one working for my new family. It was quite stressful because we were still newlyweds but we really couldn't take advantage or appreciate it. We bought our house and two weeks later to the day on October 14th my daughter Loreli was born. My goodness she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The stress that we had during the previous nine months were forgotten.

Afterwards, my wife wasn't sure if she wanted to have any more children. It was based on how that pregnancy put her out of commission quite a bit. She was 28, not old but not young either. Even though I wanted more kids of my own, I hated seeing my wife laid out so I conceded to her wishes. But during the following year, she seemed to change her mind. She decided that she wanted another child.

About 18 months after our daughter was born, we found out she was pregnant again. Again, a surprise. But this time was different. I had just left my job of 5 years to be a full time realtor. I didn't have insurance. She had worked somewhere before hand but left to take care of my daughter who was constantly sick everytime we sent her to daycare. I went back to my old employer and got the insurance and this pregnancy wasn't much nicer than the previous. What was different this time was that she had a toddler to take care of while she was home not feeling well. Seth was born two weeks after his sister's birthday. But he was 4 weeks early. He had to stay an extra day in the hospital, but again like before we had forgotten about the stress we had during this pregnancy when Seth was home with us. It was all worth it.

People would ask us if we were going to have any more and we would say, "How ever many God gives us." We were just getting used to the two babies when in May of this year we found out Kristie was 10 weeks pregnant. Ok. Now this is getting a bit ridiculous.

I never considered to go under the knife before because we always said that we'd take as many as we were given by God. But now I was actually considering it. Partially because we were going to have three babies. Which meant three kids in high school at the same time, which meant three kids in college. So financial issues were an issue. But the main issue was my wife's health. 100% of the time she was pregnant, she was on bedrest.

We had been married a little over three year, and have our third kid together on the way. My wife had been pregnant more than half the time we had been married. And most of the time she was bed-ridden the entire time. This time though she has TWO kids running around while she was not feeling good. Which means if she was pregnant again after this one, she would have three kids running around if she happened to be on bed rest again. I couldn’t have that.

So, my decision this entire time was to have the procedure. My wife wasn't happy about it. But I told her I wouldn’t go thru with it unless we both agreed. Needless to say, she is on bedrest again. This time she has been hospitalized 2 times for pre-term labor.

I'm a manager now at work. I have a responsibility at work I need to be there as well as being at home. I was stressed beyond belief. We have no family that we can rely on to help us regularly. I know family comes first, but how am I helping my family if I can't provide them with anything because I have to miss work. Fortunately, work was gracious enough to let me work at home for a few weeks. I could take care of all things that I needed too. Still stressful, but I didn’t have to worry about getting to work after Kristie was admitted.

I thought about Loreli a lot when Kristie was pregnant with her. I thought of Seth often from what I remember, but definetly not as much. Mainly due to work and stress. This baby, I sometimes have to remind myself that I have one on the way. It's gotten quite sad and I feel guilty. Especially what my wife is going thru.

But it's hard not to think about them now that they are here and terrorizing everything up to four feet high in our house. How can I not laugh at the family of CareBears taking up residence on the top of the couch all day? Is it possible not to enjoy the laughter from my son as I chase him on the floor? All these things outweigh everything that we went through during those hard times. And soon, when Cuatro is running around doing these same things, I will laugh and enjoy it. Totally forgetting the duress we were under the past few months.

How could I deny that feeling? How could I deny a blessing like that? I live vicarously through my kids and look forward to things that I can do with them. There is nothing on earth that I would rather do than to be a daddy to them.

So, I've decided not to get the Snip Snip Procedure done. Is there room in the house for another kid? Not currently, but I know that my God will provide. If I say that we will take how ever many God gives us, that is what is going to happen. Yes, we will be a little [read A LOT] more careful when "planning" these possible upcoming blessings. But a lifetime of enjoyment and blessing is much more preferable to a few months of stress mentally or physically. And I know my lovely wife feels the same.