The Ultrasound and Princess of Darkness (All in one day)

KC is now eighteen weeks pregnant. Which means that it is time for her sonogram. When she was pregnant with Ladybug, I made it an effort to go to every OB visit. When she was pregnant with Disco, I made it to a little less. With Beautiful, I think I showed up to give her a ride home after delivery. But I always enjoy the Sonograms. This being my fourth sonogram, I consider myself a specialist in the ultrasound technology field. Even though we decided that we were not going to find out the sex of this baby. I knew that with my experience that I could tell just by the fuzzy sounds bouncing around my wife's uterus.



Upon close inspection of the test, I concluded that I saw Franks and Beans and not the Hamburger Buns This based off a brief glimps of what I believed (in my professional opinion) was the groin area of my womb housed child. The test continued with the tech pointing out the kidneys and the liver and his spleen and his adamantium claws. Well that last part isn't true, how could they be laced with adamantium?? I'll have to wait until he's older to apply his bone claws with the indestructible metal.


And when it was over, she said, "You're baby is healthy"




I had to hold back the emotion that was going to overwhelm me. After four kids, it never gets old. So she gave us our DVD of the sono and we went to the patient benefits department.




We walked in on the high that we have a little X-Man in my wife's belly. The lady that we've seen the past three kids do our benefits that doesn't remember us started clicking away on her computer and caluculator. My wife and I are still smiling like a couple of new parents should. The benefits lady with all her personality and charm drops the hammer and goes..




"You have high deductible and out of pocket, your responsibility is going to be…"




It was weird because she stopped at this point. We thought that maybe she was going to cushion the blow. But instead flames erupted behind her, she stood up with fists clenched in the air. With a Beezelbub voice she spat out her conclusion…






"NINETEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!! MEATSOCKS!!!"


"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"



Bye be Smile.. Bye Bye Euphoria.





"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"




We asked the Princess of Darkness if she was serious. KC's deductible is met, her out of pocket is almost met. We shouldn’t have to pay anything, very little at the least.




"THREE PAYMENTS OF 635 STARTING NEXT MONTH!!!!!"




But..


"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"



"THE DUE DATE IS JANUARY 10TH! THE DEDUCTIBLE WILL HAVE STARTED OVER BY THEN"



But she..





"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"


WHY DID I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE ON APRIL TENTH?!?!? It wasn't even a special occasion. The other kids have a convenient birthday about nine months after Valentines' Day…



So, we started to petition the spending of the 1900 bucks..



"She's been a patient of the doctor for over 14 years, does longevity have any consideration in paying this??"



"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"



"Does the fact that she delivers 3 weeks early on all the kids make a difference??? She'll deliver at Christmas time.. We won't need to meet the deductible.."



"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"



I thought about going to an Obama town hall meeting and asking about Universal Health Care. But they told me we had to be on a ten month waiting list before we can schedule a delivery…



"MWU-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"



So, we left the benefits room thinking about what we need to sell like the Suburban and KC's old violin. I considered charging MaddSkills rent now since he's turning 14 this month, he's been freeloading a long time now..



Now, what have we learned from all of this? We've had an emergency fund, my Health Savings Account is in place to cover the out of pocket, but the problem with that is that it's not all available on day one. So, we're not doing everything wrong. But I'm putting that woman on the elliptical I bought her last year once she hits 37 weeks. We're not going past Christmas dangit...









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Comments

  1. HILARIOUS post!!

    A. I remember for the first - going to as many of the OB visits as I could.. and by #5, I too was all.. Eh, call me if there is a problem.. ('cept the ultrasounds)...

    B. Prepay the medical bill?? That sounds very odd... but in some ways not such a bad idea... but TOTALLY prepaid?? What happens if you are still carrying a balance when the time comes to deliver? PLEASE do not tell me they give you a couple of over sized corks and say "Take two and call me when the bill is paid"....

    C. What happens if you prepay all this and you DO deliver three weeks early.. Is that a windfall refund??

    D. Congratulations!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is funny, and full of wonder and frustration.

    I do hope the delivery is this year. Not only is the insurance deductible met, but you get the extra income tax deduction / credit for the entire year of 2009!

    ReplyDelete
  3. SPG: Well if we happened to have the baby in early january.. We couldhave a chance to have another one in the same year.. So two write offs for 2010? I hope not..

    Charlotte: It's just the opposite with us.. when we see the ultrasounds, the kids tell us what WE'RE going to be doing when they grow up..

    Thank you both for stopping by and leaving comments..

    ReplyDelete

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